How The Twihards Stole Christmas
by PeaceLoveAndCheese
Summary: "Every Whovian in the fandom liked the Doctor a lot/But the Twihards in their stupid love triangles did not." What happens when two fandoms collide in a giant rhyming battle, trying to belittle each other? Nothing good, I'm sure. The TRUE story of Christmas, with the real Grinches and the real Whos. HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY!


**WARNING: THIS STORY IS BY NO MEANS SUPPOSED TO BE OFFENSIVE TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE TWIHARDS. IT WAS THE MOST STEREOTYPICAL FANDOM THAT I COULD FIND OTHER THAN GLEEKS WHO I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. PLEASE, IF BASHING OF YOUR FANDOMS CAUSES YOU UNNECESSARY HEALTH PROBLEMS, DO NOT READ!**

**Well Ho-Ho-Ho everyone! **

**I'm back with another Whovian poem... and this one is pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. My friend Lane read it and told me to finish and post it... so, I thought you guys would like it. **

**So here's your Christmas present from you to me!**

**Um... anyway, it looks like we're all alive... the world didn't end... THE DOCTOR SAVED US ALL! LA LA LA! VICTORY! YEAH!**

**With that out of the way... enjoy the feature presentation!**

**DISCLAIMER: FOR CHRISTMAS I WANT TO OWN DOCTOR WHO! Yeah... that's never going to happen... I own my Doctor Who shirts and that's it. :P8**

* * *

Every Whovian in the fandom liked the Doctor a lot  
But the Twihards in their stupid love triangles did not

The Twihards hated the Doctor and every aired season  
But please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason

It could be that there are no vampires that glitter  
It could be that there are no boyfriends who're bitter

But I think that the most likely reason of all  
May be that their brains are two sizes to small

But whatever the reason, when the drama began  
They stood there on Christmas Eve, hating Who fans

Scowling out from their bedrooms all plastered with posters  
The Twihards all thought, "The time's coming closer!

"All the Whovians are busy chatting on their fan sites  
"Because the Doctor Who Christmas Special premiers in one night!

"And they're cosplaying wildly," they thought with a sneer  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then they growled with their Twihardly glaring  
"We must find some way to stop this special from airing!

"For tomorrow evening after they've unwrapped their toys  
"They'll turn on their t.v's, all those Who girls and boys

"And then oh the noise! Oh the noise! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
"If there's one thing we hate it's that Whovian noise!

"All those aliens shooting and running amok  
"The squeals of the Doctor's fangirls all lovestruck

"The chorus's of 'Exterminate' and 'Delete'  
"The tear-jerking reunions and deaths in the street

"The TARDIS's brakes and others come close  
"But the Doctor's victory is the sound that we all hate the most!

"When the special starts up, when in front of t.v's  
"Every Whovian will sing out the Doctor Who theme

"They'll drum on their knees and go right ahead  
"Singing that theme till you wish they'd drop dead!"

And the more they all thought of that Whovian stuff  
The more they all thought, "Enough is enough!

"If we have to have that one more time in our brains  
"We'll all just lose it; we'll all go insane!

"We just can't hear once more about the Doctor's great feats  
"There must be some way that this thing can be beat!"

And they thought and they thought for an hour or more  
They thought and they thought till their thinkers were sore

One Twihard then got a lightbulb turned on in his head  
"Let's send werewolves and vampires to kill them all dead!"

"That's stupid," said the others, "That would just fail!  
"Even if we could find weapons we'd all end up in jail!"

After many long minutes of concocting plans  
And numerous ways to get rid of Who fans

They came up with this on their Twihard site thread:  
"If we can't stop them watching we'll make them watch Twilight instead!"

They sprang into action, bringing their things  
Their posters and movies and Twilight fan rings

Then they snuck round the fandom with speed and with steath  
And took all the Who things up on the Who shelves

They took all the t-shirts with fezzes and bow ties  
They took all the DVD's and fanfiction sites

And the last thing those Twihards left was just one  
Little note saying, "The Christmas Special is DONE!"

Then they snuck all their movies into the DVD players  
Hoping to make Christmas Day all the grayer

Then they snuck and they skulked back to their homes  
They stopped and they listened for grumbles and moans

They grinned and they giggled as they applied more vampire makeup  
"The only team that's around here now is Team Jacob!"

Team Edward took offense and threw a punch back at them  
The Team Jasper girls decided to jump right in

And the other Twihard fans decided that they all were right  
So those Twihards got into a big Twihard fight

They fought through Christmas day when over the snow  
They heard the beginning of the Doctor Who show

They screamed and they wailed and clutched at their ears  
How could they have failed when they had been so near?

But what the Twihards failed to realize on that Christmas Day  
If you want your Twilight DVD's to play

Don't put them in with your TV on unless you're prepared for the worst  
As everyone knows, when the TV is turned on, the show always plays first

So once again the Doctor emerged victorious from a fight he hadn't really fought  
The Whovians were happy, though the Twihards were not

Before our story ends however, I want to tell you just this:  
Beware of the Twihards and have a Happy Who Christmas!

* * *

**So... what'd ya think?**

**That took me a LOOOOOOONG time to write, surprisingly. But... you know, whatever. I LOVE MY FANS!**

**So...**

**_I wish you a Matty Whosmas_  
**

**_I wish you a Matty Whosmas_**

**_I wish you a Matty Whosmas_**

**_And a Jenna New Year!_**

**Congratulations and Good Luck to the new companion!**

**The snowmen look scary...**

**EVERYONE WATCH THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!**

**And review! For my present? :3**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHOVIANS!**

**:D8**


End file.
